Farmer Bob

When I’m not busy thinking about the microscopic parasites that consume dead epidermal cells and lay their eggs in human skin, I make it a point to remind you about them. Demodex mites live their simple lives in the follicles of human eyelashes, causing no harm to their hosts. Normally. If you experience abnormal eyelid itching, consult a parasitologist, because what with my new campaign to reclaim KCUR from the stranglehold of its geriatric constituency, I have exactly zero time to listen to sob stories about your epidermal biodiversity.

Because Jesus Christ, KCUR, A Prairie Home Companion TWICE A WEEK? Is that just in case I missed some subtlety of Garrison Keillor singing a gospel song three notes off-key during the first broadcast? I barely talk to my girlfriend that often. Yes, I know a lot of people insist that Garrison Keillor is funny. In fact, here they are enjoying a joke about Minnesota Lutherans:

As a preemptive military strike against your argument that KCUR appeals to listeners <55 years old with broadcasts of Ira Glass’ This American Life, I can only say that I don’t really listen to the show right now, but why don’t you give me a yell when it’s ten years ago?

I guess we can all count our blessings that KCUR doesn’t broadcast smelly old Harry Shearer’s NPR show. But I hope their programming director is aware that the DNA polymerase complex inside the cells of KCUR listeners is rapidly running out of the telomeres that act as a disposable buffer at the ends of their DNA strands, and soon the station will have no audience left. It’s very sad, like disappearing polar bears.

My point: Instead of two weekly broadcasts of the funereal Garrison Keillor, KCUR could be filling some of that time with Jesse Thorn’s The Sound of Young America, but it’s the kind of situation where the station probably has to hit rock-bottom before it gets up off its donut-shaped prostate cushion and goes looking for help. However, if you are the kind of person who listens to podcasts, The Sound of Young America is available in that convenient portable format. Mostly, the show consists of interviews with people who work in comedy and host Jesse Thorn has pretty unimpeachable taste in popular culture.

Finally, these listeners of Michael Feldman’s Whad’ya Know? remind you to take your Centrum Silver:

My inability to sincerely recommend awesome things without acting like a bitch is underwritten by the Ford Foundation, The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, ADM: Supermarket to the World, and listeners like you.

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